this one bites the dust

feeling lonely at 10:06 pm on wednesday night. last night, people mentioned something about going out for a last hurrah for noop and meghan before they go to brazil for the quarter. haven't gotten a call or anything so i wonder if it's postponed or going on without me.

i feel really:
pathetic.
big cheeked.
crazy hair is eating my head. (see below)





my hair is two different colors, i'm still paying for the damage done when i dyed it a red shade. i'm in the process of growing it out but the ends are so red/brown and dried out that i want to shave my head, or at least cut it because the long hair is become shaggy and dreadful. i want something new. i haven't officially decided but i think i want to look a bit more like this:





this is nakashima mika, a japanese jazz singer that is incredibly cool.

edit:
just checked on some im peoples and curt's said he was at the bar. what am i to assume? what asses. making "real" friends is harder than i thought, even with these people that i spend night and day with i never thought i'd be on the "outside." this is the exact reason i become a recluse, because i don't want to think of these feelings. sometimes i really think that i don't really have friends. and if i took away eljin, who would i have?? my problem is that i have troubles opening up my personality to people.

what's fucked up about this sort of situation is that things can change so quickly. i could be stupid and spontaneous for the next two quarters and no one would remember anything from before. i could become someone's best friend, worst enemy, and even the class skank if i wanted to. but for now i remain the recluse girl, even though it was the exact opposite position i sought out to be. even meredith who doesn't drink, etc knew about this (se works with noop.) i sit in the dark, ready to bite the hand that feeds me.